Backport finalizer fixes to release-v1.40

[caseydavenport]

Backports finalizer-related fixes that address flaky test failures and uninstall stability issues:

• Add a requeue when waiting for finalizer cleanup #4209 — Add requeue when waiting for finalizer cleanup, so controllers don't stall waiting on pod deletion they're not watching
• Fix finalizer race between whisker and goldmane controllers #4492 — Switch finalizer patching to MergeFromWithOptimisticLock to fix a race between whisker and goldmane controllers where concurrent patches silently clobbered each other