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philosophy paper text
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assets/Craig's Jobs.txt

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INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
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The room is filled with penned and unpenned animals of all
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kinds: snakes, lizards, birds, a dog, cats, etc. Craig sits
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on the couch and looks at the want ads, the TV is on in the
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background. Elijah, the monkey, sits next to Craig holding
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his stomach and moaning weakly. On the TV, Derek Mantini is
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working a 60 foot high marionette from the top of a water tower.
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The assembled crowd is enthralled.
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TV ANNOUNCER
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The crowd is enthralled as Derek
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Mantini, arguably the greatest
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puppeteer in the history of the
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world, performs "The Belle of
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Amherst" with his 60 foot Emily
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Dickinson puppet, directed by the
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inimitable Charles Nelson Reilly.
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Charles Nelson Reilly floats by in a hot air balloon.
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CHARLES NELSON REILLY
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Beautiful, beautiful! Nyong-nyong.
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CRAIG
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Gimmicky bastard.
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Craig switches off the TV. He comes across an ad for a
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female puppeteer to teach at a girls school. Craig rubs
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his chin in thought, then stands with great determination.
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MUSIC IN: TRIUMPHANT
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CUT TO:
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INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BEDROOM - DAY
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Craig searches through Lotte's closet, looking for the
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right dress.
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CUT TO:
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INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BATHROOM - DAY
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Craig waxes his body, shaves his face.
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CUT TO:
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INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BEDROOM - DAY
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Craig paints his nails while he chats on the phone. Craig
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pulls stockings and underwear from Lotte's drawer. Craig
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picks a wig from a mannequin head on Lotte's dressing table.
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CUT TO:
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INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
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Craig, at the sewing machine, is sewing padding to go onto
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his chest and around his hips.
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CUT TO:
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INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BATHROOM - DAY
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Craig applies make up in the bathroom mirror.
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CUT TO:
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INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BEDROOM - DAY
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Craig, now looking very much like a woman, admires himself
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in the full length mirror.
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CUT TO:
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EXT. STREET - DAY
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Craig hails a taxi in his get-up. Men on the street turn
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and leer at him.
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CUT TO:
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INT. HEADMISTRESS’S OFFICE - DAY
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Craig and the headmistress chat over tea. Craig is quite
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animated and charming. The admiring headmistress smiles
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and nods her head in approval.
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CUT TO:
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INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
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Craig instructs a class of uniformed girls. He draws
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complex diagrams of puppets on the blackboard. The
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students are transfixed, except for one troubled girl who
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eyes Craig sullenly from the back of the room as she plays
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with a switchblade.
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CUT TO:
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INT. THEATER - DAY
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Craig guides the hands of the troubled teenage girl, who
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is trying to manipulate a marionette. The girl looks up
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at Craig. Her tough facade crumbles and she smiles. Craig
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smiles back.
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CUT TO:
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EXT. SCHOOL GROUNDS - DAY
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The girls carry Craig on their shoulders. Everyone is joyous.
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CUT TO:
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EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
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Craig leads the girls in a bike race. Everyone is laughing
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and screaming. One of the girls notices that Craig is
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riding a man's bike.
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MUSIC OUT.
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CUT TO:
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INT. JAIL CELL - NIGHT
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Craig sits in a holding cell with several other men. He is
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still in the dress, but the wig is in his lap and the
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make-up is smeared off. Lotte appears with a cop outside
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Craig's cell. The door is opened, and Craig, Lotte, and
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the cop head down the hall.
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CUT TO:
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INT. CAR - NIGHT
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Lotte drives. Craig looks out the window. Both are silent.
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LOTTE
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(finally)
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Is the trial date set?
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CRAIG
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May 11th.
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More silence.
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LOTTE
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Why'd you do it, Craig?
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CRAIG
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I'm a puppeteer.
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They drive in silence.
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CUT TO:
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INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S LIVING ROOM - MORNING
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Craig sits on the couch in his bathrobe and studies the
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want ads. He sees an ad for a company called "WOMYN-TEERS",
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looking for "an African-American, Lesbian Separatist
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Puppeteer for Community Outreach." Craig rubs his chin in
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thought, stands with determination.
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MUSIC IN: SAME AS BEFORE.
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CUT TO:
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INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BATHROOM - MORNING
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Craig applies a dark pancake make-up to his face.
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CUT TO:
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INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BEDROOM - MORNING
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Craig pulls an afro-style wig off a mannequin head on
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Lotte's dressing table.
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CUT TO:
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EXT. STREET - MORNING
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Craig, now made up to look like a black, lesbian
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separatist, hails a cab. Women look at him longingly.
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CUT TO:
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INT. CAR - NIGHT
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Craig, dressed as the black lesbian and beaten to a pulp.
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sits in the passenger seat. Lotte drives.
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LOTTE
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(finally)
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Why, Craig. why?
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CRAIG
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(through fat lip)
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I... puppeteer.
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CUT TO:
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INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
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Craig reads the paper. He comes across an ad: "Female
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puppeteer wanted for nudist colony marionette staging of
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'Oh, Calcutta!'" Craig rubs his chin.
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CUT TO:
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INT. CAR - NIGHT
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Craig sits in the passenger seat. He is made up as a
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woman and wears a full-body rubber "naked woman" suit.
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Lotte drives.
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LOTTE
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(finally)
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You know, maybe you should speak to
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someone about this.
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CUT TO:
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INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE' S LIVING ROOM - DAY
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Craig sees a personal ad: "Male puppeteer looking for
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attractive female puppeteer for friendship, travel, and
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much much more." Craig rubs his chin, then thinks better
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of it and sighs. He finds a want ad calling for a
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"short-statured file clerk with unusually nimble and
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dexterous fingers needed for speed filing." Craig writes
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down the address.

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